We’ve had a lot of visitors in the last three weeks. For the first two weeks I don’t think we had a single day when NO ONE came over, and many days we had multiple visitors in one day. While things are starting to slow down A LITTLE, we are still having quite a few visitors. While I love visitors–and the meals they bring–I feel like I need to have a giant sign in my yard or on my front door that displays the following list of disclaimers.
1) Disclaimer: I’m a new mom. My house is not clean. There are balls of Maggie hair all over the floor and piles of laundry (some folded some not) on the sectional in the living room. The tv stand has a layer of dust, and there are approximately 37 burp cloths in sight. There are dishes by the sink, the dishwasher needs to be emptied, and there are probably breast pump parts sitting on the counter. Oh, and if you go in the bedroom, the bed is most definitely not made.
2) Disclaimer: I’m a new mom. I may or may not have showered today, but I put on deodorant and brushed my teeth. Probably.
3) Disclaimer: I’m a new mom. I may be wearing the same outfit/shirt that I wore yesterday. This one already has spit up on it; I thought it’d be easier than putting a clean shirt on that he will just spit up on again. If you’re lucky, I may still even be in my pajamas.
4) Disclaimer: I’m a new mom. Be careful as to not walk in the grass as you walk up to the house. The yard is full of Maggie poop. We can’t be bothered to pooper-scoop any time soon. My apologies. You may also want to be careful, even if you don’t step foot on the grass. I’m pretty sure there is a turd on the sidewalk, too.
5) Disclaimer: I’m a new mom. It’s the middle of January and we still have Christmas decorations up, including the Christmas tree. We’ll get around to it…eventually.
6) Disclaimer: I’m a new mom (which means I don’t know what I’m doing.) Please do not judge me on how I dress/burp/hold/swaddle/change/carry my baby. I’m learning.
7) Disclaimer: I’m a new mom. I am sleep deprived. This means when I speak, I may or may not make sense. Please smile and nod and act like I do. (Side note: I cannot tell you how many times I have used the word “eat/ate” instead of “feed/fed.” This may not seem like a big deal, but when you form a sentence and say “I need to eat him” or “I ate him an hour ago” you can see how this mistake makes me sound like a crazy person. I don’t even know that I am doing this until David points it out to me. There is something seriously wrong with me.